Author: Anders Christian Hjort
I read this amazing blog this morning at 6.00 am.
Not many people know of the effect changing your verbal behaviours can have when meeting and get to know new people both in you private and business life.
If you are in search of true in depth and passioned conversations, this blog by Bernadette Logue might inspire you like it did me.
At Huthwaite International we know from our behavioural research the power of questions in business related conversations and in persuading other people.
But what questions to ask, and what stories and value do we get in our daily conversations meeting new people?
Do we just scratch the surface or do we really go to the heart of the matter bringing value and depth into our conversations?
A few but focused Situation Questions are NOT boring the other party for sure – Huthwaite research shows. Too many unfocused Situation Questions will bore the other party.
The examples below will inspire you on the power of great Situation Questions and a even few Need Desire Questions, further it will show how you can use them to take your conversations to the next level:
One Question You Should Ask Everyone You Meet
by Bernadette Logue
“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living, I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.”
–The Invitation by Oriah
I want to know what your story is…
7 Billion Stories in the World
I don’t care what you do or what you own. I just want to know who you are. I want to know your uniqueness, the experiences you’ve had and the learnings you’ve gained. I want to know your story.
What is your story? Everyone has one. No two stories are the same. There are over 7 billion people in this world and none are like you. You are unique. Your entire life journey including your upbringing, challenges, your hard learned lessons, your experiences, achievements and gifts, are all a series of footprints that have brought you to this very moment in time as you read these words.
Every person you walk or drive past on the street has their own story. Every person in front of you in line at the grocery store has their own story. Every friend and work colleague in your life has their own story.
The old man who lives up the street and wanders past my house each day has his own story. The girl on the bus opposite me right now who has tears in her eyes, she has her own story. The boy in the library who never stops laughing, even when his mother constantly asks him to be quiet, he has his own story too.
Think about the millions of moments, the series of events that leads each person to cross your path. Who are they really underneath that exterior? Where did they come from? What do they long for? What makes them tick?
Will you ask?
Life is a tapestry of people weaving in and out of your life, people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Everyone has something to offer and share with you. Imagine treating every person you encounter, no matter how fleeting, as an intriguing story waiting to be told. But the story can only be told if someone asks to hear it. Will you ask?
That person you see standing before you, no matter who they are, young or old, rich or poor, angry or kind, is like a blockbuster movie ready to enthral you. But, first you have to buy a ticket.
As I stood in a room full of people at a cocktail party once, I realized that every opening conversation was dominated by this question, “What do you do?”
We seek to understand and define people by their ‘doing’ in the world. For some reason we categorize and rank people’s worth in this world by what they “do.”
Does what you do matter more than who you are? No. What you do is only a small part of who you are.
Do we care about each other enough, and are we interested enough in what we can learn from each other, to stop asking “What do you do?” and start asking “Who are you? What is your story?”
So, I’d love to ask you something, and I’m not asking a rhetorical question. I really want to know…
What is your story?
Where were you born?
Where do you live now?
What makes you smile?
What is the most important life lesson you’ve learned so far?
What is your deepest fear?
What is your greatest dream for your life?
Who are you?
Normalizing the Question
There is only one way that we can normalize this “What is your story?” question in our society. And that is by starting to ask it, and by each of us individually being willing to answer it wholeheartedly, knowing that the person asking it genuinely wants to know.
Superficial chit chat about what we “do” and what we “own” doesn’t have to dominate our interactions with those closest to us or with complete strangers.
I don’t know you at all. You’re a complete stranger to me. But I genuinely want to know your answers.
I’ll go first…
Here’s my story. I invite you to respond with your answers, supporting a movement to normalize caring more about who people are, than what they do and own.
I was born in Wellington, New Zealand.
I have no fixed abode, as I sold my house and all my possessions in order to live nomadically.
I’m currently staying in Marlborough, New Zealand with family and I’m working on making Bali the next stop on my adventure.
My nephews playing and loudly laughing their little hearts out is what makes me smile the most.
The best lesson I’ve learned so far is that being exactly who I am is always more than enough, and comparing myself to others only robs the world of my uniqueness.
My deepest fear is risking everything to follow my dream and then failing in the process.
My greatest dream for my life is to move with an open mind, traveling and meeting as many people as possible, questioning and discovering as much about the world and life as I can, and continuing to write books and blogs to share those learnings.
I’m a spark of divinity, here having a life
experience, as I believe we all are.
Please leave a comment below and tell me something true about YOU.
What is your story?
Bernadette Logue blogs at Pinch Me Living, inspiring you to be who you are and do what you love as a recipe for a life filled with “pinch me” moments. Sign up for free to get the first 4 chapters of her Kindle bestselling book and her 400+ Powerfully Positive Affirmations audio. Or follow her on Facebook.
Anders credentials you will find here on Huthwaite Internationals website and on LinkedIN you will find recommendations and endorsements from clients, colleagues and friends during his career: